You know that Taylor Swift song…you know, the one that goes It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem it’s me. It’s true.
It’s me.
It’s you.
Yeah, I just went there, real fast. You know, sometimes ya just gotta get in there real quick and with a BANG! One of those times is now.
Hi hi! If we haven’t met yet, I’m Heather! I educate and coach people on universal laws and personal growth principles so they can grow in their life, leadership and love.
Let’s dig in! I often use aspects of my life to teach…so here goes.
What’s not the way I want it in my life right now…here are just a few (there’s plenty more lol, god knows it aint perfect)
- My jeans are tighter than normal. My problem.
- Little bit of brain fog right now. My problem.
- Full schedule with little room for spontaneity. My problem.
- Missing surfing. My problem.
- Room not decorated the way I want it. My problem.
But I could have said:
- My jeans are tighter than normal – my boyfriend always gives me sweets.
- Brain fog – so many events and gatherings.
- Full schedule – everyone needs my help.
- Missing surfing – there’s no ocean close.
- Room not decorated – my family needed me elsewhere.
I easily EASILY could have pointed the finger. Blamed someone or something else.
And I have done that.
Oh yeah, I was a PRO at fingerpointing and blaming.
Until one day I took a quiz in a book I was reading and figured out, very quickly and abruptly that I was operating from a Victim Mindset.
Say whaaaat?!
Yep, it’s true. This discovery was made while I was interviewing for an internal HR position waaay back in 2012. It was a great opportunity, that I didn’t get. What I did get though, was a kick in the ass into personal and professional development – and more than the ticky taky skills development….this was a turning point, a benchmark moment really….from life happening to me, to me realizing I was capable of CREATING my life, my results…or in other words, if we are keeping with the theme:
- My waist size
- My mental clarity
- My use of time and commitments
- My surf schedule
- My decor
And also
- My relationships
- My money and finances
- My career path
- My energy
- My health
- My spirituality
Every facet of me.
YOU have this same opportunity. And maybe you’re watching and you have already heard of responsibility and are thinking – I’m good, I don’t operate from a victim mindset.
Are you sure about that? Chances are there is some form of blaming, fingerpointing, excuse-making, comfort seeking nonsense going on.
We all do it, to some degree or another. Shared and open, private and discreet or somewhere in between. The more classes you’ve done, probably the more private and discreet. Because you know….responsibility is the cornerstone.
My point in underscoring this for you….the self help junkies watching…isn’t for me to shame you. Nooooo…not at all. It’s to say, I see you. I am you. Making excuses, fingerpointing, blaming etc is a habit. We can quickly fall into old non-productive habits if we aren’t vigilant.
It isn’t any fun to be a victim. If you ask me, it’s draining, creates feelings of helplessness and despair even.
Responsibility may not be FUN however, it is far more empowering, effective and forward moving.
Now what? I have look at how I created this:
- Not exercising regularly and planning meals
- Eating, drinking and not getting enough rest for too many consecutive days
- Saying yes when I really wanted to say no
- Not planning trips that allow me to incorporate surfing into my travel
- This last one…I’m actually okay with. It’s a work in progress and I don’t believe in rushing to decorate a room. They didn’t build Rome in a day.
See that? Ownership of the issues versus fingerpointing and blaming…or ignoring, denying, covering up. You get the idea.
Empowered and equipped to take the reigns and transform these results.
It didn’t always come this easy thought. Being in a victim mindset was deeply engrained, it took a lot of practice to be able to look at my results in this way, with objectivity and neutrality and with ownership.
There was even a period where taking the responsible lens went to the extreme and I found myself taking responsibility for results that weren’t mine. Caution here… responsibility is not the same as shame and guilt.
Now that I’ve shared all my dirt with you, it’s your turn.
Just kidding. I wouldn’t ask you do that all there here…but really, these videos don’t mean jack if you’re not going to apply them to you life somehow.
Think about an area of your life where you’re not getting the results you want.
Ask yourself: how have I contributed to this result?
And then, how else and how else and how else?
Then, with each, ask yourself why. Are you afraid of something? Are you worried about something? What’s REALLY preventing you. Here’s a hint – we are always moving away from pain and towards pleasure.
Then, consider how will you need to be to produce another result? And begin to approach YOUR problem from there.
BTW, I teach THIS and many other practical and actionable tools and concepts to my clients. If you want to explore what working together would be like for you, I encourage to book a complimentary discovery call. You can book HERE.
See you next time!
