Work Life Balance is a joke.
I roll my eyes and gag a little every time I hear that phrase. And frankly, I believe you should too.
Lemme tell you why!
Hey, hello, HI! I’m Heather Patterson. I educate, coach and train people just like you about all things mindset – whether that’s in life, in leadership or even love. If you’re new here, welcome! I’m so glad you’re here, and welcome back if you’ve been here before.
Back to what I was saying…. Work Life Balance is a joke.
You may already be thinking, well Heather..what about work-life integration? Meaning finding ways to blend your work and personal life so that they support each other rather than compete with each other.
This can involve things like setting flexible work hours, working from home or remotely, prioritizing self-care, and so on.
Well intended…I can get behind it…and also
…one of the biggest flaws with both Work Life Balance AND Work Life integration is the lack of acknowledging the varied and vast array of facets we have in life.
How is that WORK gets to be one half of the equation. Rather, there is so much more. Such as: spirituality, friendships, family, finances, romance, health and recreation.
All of that said, inherently, we must go deeper than setting up a flexible schedule, working remotely, having a daily “quitting time” or all the other work-life balance or integration “hacks” that are being suggested out there.
Yes, the hacks can help. I’m not suggesting throwing those out completely, but I would bet money that they aren’t solving all your problems. How do I know, because they didn’t solve mine and they don’t solve the problems of the people I work with.
Here’s the deal:
When we take the approach that there is a separation in ANY of the facets….we create pressure to put on different personas, to perform, to be “in character”. This is exhausting and even disorienting over time.
It can also prevent us from fully expressing who we are as individuals. We may feel like we have to hide certain parts of ourselves in order to fit into different roles or environments, which can lead to feelings of disconnection or inauthenticity.
Look, I don’t have some catchy name for this concept (not yet anyway…) but here’s what I know, there are two questions that when answered, in the most honest and authentic way, for you…and you begin to integrate those answers into your life…the exhaustion and disorientation dissolves and is replaced by energy and direction.
Those questions are:
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
and
WHAT DO YOU VALUE?
Notice I said: MOST honest and authentic way for you.
The problem is, you’ve been taught that:
- Your values don’t matter
- Suspend your desires for other people’s comfort
- You’re too _______ or not ________ to have what you want
- Having what you want is unrealistic
- And the list goes on.
So first, we have to get the bottom of those answers and then we have to begin to integrate.
Which means, getting uncomfortable, being courageous, risking hurting some feelings, letting go of someone or something to make room for what is most aligned…
I’m sure you’ve been there.
I know I have. I’m at work so I have to be serious and thick-skinned, don’t be too soft.
Or, I am out with friends, I gotta be the life of the party (when I really just wanted to be home, alone or maybe with one or two)
When I was writing this, I remembered a personal example of this, so…let’s have a little story time, shall we?
I remember this very clearly…when I first started believing the idea that there is only one life and we work, have friends, lovers, fun and recreation, fitness and nutrition, spirituality all INSIDE this life….and incorporating it into my life:
A friend of mine and I had plans for dinner one night.
She text me and said that some other woman, who I did not know, would be joining us.
Now, I really value connection and one-on-one time and, as much as I like meeting new people, that night just wasn’t the night for that, for me.
So, I called my friend and thanked her for letting me know and politely requested that we keep our plans to one on one or find another time.
She was thankful that I had said something and we went out and had a lovely time!
But, I gotta tell you, I was super scared. What if she thought I was being a brat? Or selfish? Or bitchy. I was so afraid of losing her love and friendship that I nearly sacrificed my own self.
Look, this stuff doesn’t just pop up outta nowhere, it’s been programmed. Over time, through repetition. (Typically from well meaning people who didn’t know better I might add) And then, the people around us just respond to how we are being.
Often I find there’s a lot of unlearning and relearning myself and also, teach/reteach those around me.
When you adopt this mindset – of a fully faceted and integrated YOU – it allows us to be more consistent and authentic in our behavior and communication.
When we integrate our work and personal lives, we can bring our whole selves to every situation and interaction, which can foster greater trust, empathy, and connection with others.Trust, empathy and connection are the foundations to building great businesses, relationship, experiences like travel or adventure even health and fitness are built on these.
Can you see the connection here?
Adopting this way of life allows for your creativity and other gifts and talents to shine. Because you’re not so busy being in character.
Yes, we still need to maintain appropriate levels of professionalism.
Yes, we still need some confidentiality and discretion in our work relationships.
But by being more integrated and authentic in our overall approach to work and life, we can create a more fulfilling and sustainable lifestyle for ourselves.
And hey, if you want a little help! I’m here for you. In fact, there’s a free tool I created that will have you get to the bottom on the question: What Do You Want? It’s called “The Fire Starter” and you can download it HERE.
Thank you for your time today! I hope you found the thought provoking and action inspiring.
See you next time!
